“11 men only, folks — not a charity bus trip. One per team, no double dippers, and if your club’s no here… blame the gaffer, no me.”
Another week, another avalanche of managers trying to sneak half their squad in. Nice try. But Hugh plays by the rules*
(*Rules mostly invented by Hugh.)
So after much deliberation, several cups of tea, and one suspicious pie, here’s the officially unofficial Hugh Dunnit XI:
GK – Brian Weir (Bishopton FC)
Outfielder? Aye. Goalkeeper? Apparently also aye. Steps in, saves a penalty at 0-0, nearly saves another, and generally behaves like a man possessed by prime Buffon. Hugh loves versatility — like a Swiss Army knife in gloves.
DEF – Mikey McCrear (Cambuslang FA)
Captain, defender, goal scorer… basically did everything short of driving the team bus home. Led from the front and the back. Proper “follow me lads” stuff.
DEF – Paul McLaughlin (Southside United)
Missed for months and Southside looked like they’d lost the remote control. Returns, clean sheet, leadership restored. Like finding the pub open after thinking it was shut.
DEF – Richard Henry (Rhu Colts)
Experience, composure, and defensive solidity. The sort of performance that says, “Nothing silly happening here, son.”
DEF – Daniel (PSP)
No second name needed when you put in a display like that. Like Cher. Or Pele. Just Daniel. Superb at the back and central to a big win.
MID – Darren Stevenson Jnr (Port Glasgow Boys Club)
Two first-half goals, dragged his side back into it, and dominated midfield. Hugh appreciates a man who doesn’t wait around for someone else to fix things.
MID – Kev McFarlane (Rutherglen Glencairn AFC)
Three goals from midfield is frankly ridiculous behaviour. Dictated play and filled his boots. Hugh nearly had to check if he was secretly two players.
MID – Allan McCoo (Greater Croftpark Rose)
Second-half resurgence and a cracking goal? That’s what Hugh calls “main character energy.”
MID – Darren Connell (Woodbank FC)
“Midfield dynamo” is exactly the sort of phrase Hugh writes down in bold. Finally finding his rhythm and looking like next season’s problem for everyone else.
ST – Aqib Ahmed (Glasgow Ansar)
Hat-trick. Clinical. Ruthless. The business end of the season and this man’s treating defenders like traffic cones.
ST – Dylan Henry (Rutherglen Glencairn AFC)
Another hat-trick. At this stage Hugh suspects he’s collecting them. A striker in frightening form.
Hugh’s Gaffer’s Gab
Bench warmer of the week: Toni Madden (Banknock FC) —
Centre-half in goals and still winning games? Outstanding nonsense. Unlucky son, but Brian’s penalty save was too daft to ignore.
Final Thoughts from Hugh
“This week’s team has everything — stand-in heroes, hat-trick hooligans, midfield maestros, and defenders who actually defend. Beautiful stuff. Remember, if you didnae make it, there’s always next week… unless Hugh forgets.”
Until then: keep the tackles clean-ish and the excuses creative.
Footy Focus season 25/26 
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