Each day in December we’re pulling a cracker on someone who’s made an impact across our leagues — past, present, or still delivering every weekend

It’s December 2nd, and we’re opening the our first few Christmas Crackers — a daily spotlight on players who’ve made a real mark across our leagues. No gimmicks, just recognition for the ones who set standards.

And who better to recognise than Clydeside’s very own Benjamin Button

🎁 Player Profile

• Name: David Hain

• Team: Clydeside Athletic (Premier League)

• Position: Defender/Midfielder

🥇 The ‘Cracker’ Story

Decade of Dedication (and Directional Confusion)

While Santa Claus might only visit once a year, David Hain has been a stalwart fixture at Clydeside for more than a decade. That’s over ten years of muddy pitches, triumphant goals, and probably the same amount of ‘where exactly am I playing this week?’ debates with the gaffer.

Starting as a dynamic winger, David was blessed with pace and an impressive eye for goal. The kind of goal-scoring instinct that makes you wonder if he secretly swaps his boots for Rudolph’s lead running shoes before kickoff.

But like a true Christmas miracle, David transitioned into a defender—proving that he’s the ultimate ‘all-rounder,’ capable of both delivering the presents and guarding the chimney.

He is, without a doubt, a reliable stalwart—a true foundation of the club. If Clydeside Athletic were a gingerbread house, David Hain would be the rock-solid, slightly over-baked base layer that stops the whole sugary structure from collapsing in a heap when the wind blows.

Off the Field: The Real MVP

But the legend of David Hain extends far beyond the touchline. He is consistently praised for the fantastic job he does on and off the field.

• The Dressing Room Cheer: He’s the one who organises the Secret Santa (and somehow always ends up buying the gaffer a slightly passive-aggressive novelty mug).

• The Admin Ace: He’s probably the one filling out the team sheets or messing around on comet, fixing the leaky roof in the clubhouse, and doing anything needed to keep Clydeside Athletic afloat.

• The Christmas Spirit: David embodies the true spirit of giving. He gives his all every single game, and his time freely to the club’s wider efforts. He’s more charitable than a Salvation Army brass band on Christmas Eve!

🗣️ Festive Shout-Out

In conclusion, let’s toast David Hain, the invaluable constant at Clydeside Athletic.

A player who mastered multiple positions over a decade of unwavering dedication, his true impact extends far beyond the pitch. Hain is the unsung workhorse whose off-field contributions, though rarely celebrated in the headlines, are absolutely vital to the club’s operation and spirit.

He isn’t just a part of the squad; he is the organizational anchor, the emotional core, and the slightly caffeinated, results-obsessed driving force of Clydeside Athletic.