The air is crisp, the shadows are long, and a chill has settled into the very bones of the world. It can only mean one thing: Halloween is upon us! But don’t just hide under the covers. This year, we’re inviting you to embrace the fright with a spine-tingling series of events that will reward the bravest (and most active) among you. Get ready to face the Halloween Horrors, our special seasonal promotion designed to fuel your commitment to footy focus throughout the entire spooky season.

Are you prepared to face the terror ?

Chris The Crypt Keeper Wilson

🎃 The Crypt Keeper of SPAFA: Inside the Horror Show of Scottish Amateur Football

The air is thin, the mist is rolling in over the empty pitches, and the desk of the Scottish Amateur Football Horror Show’s author—littered with forms, minutes, and unpaid fines—has never seemed quite so eerie. By day, he’s a diligent League Secretary, but as the sun sets and Halloween descends, he transforms into the league’s very own Crypt Keeper. Forget the mundane fear of relegation; this ghoul is here to expose the true, chilling horrors lurking within the amateur game.

👻 The League Registrations Secretary’s True Torments

The Crypt Keeper, who has seen more paperwork nightmares than any horror movie marathon, outlines the terrors that plague every club:

• The Phantom Fine: For the Crypt Keeper, no ghost is scarier than the fine that materializes from thin air because a filing deadline was missed. He describes the truly ghoulish ‘whoosh’ as the £25 vanishes from a club’s bank account—a penalty they never even saw coming.

• The Vanishing Player: This is the worst kind of footballing ghosting. Our Secretary recounts the player who signs on, plays a single, brilliant game—perhaps scoring a hat-trick—and then disappears into the night. The player leaves a massive hole in the weekend squad and a cryptic WhatsApp message about “prior commitments.” The Crypt Keeper is the “mug” left with the task of processing the inevitable cancellation form.

• The Cursed Email Chain: This is the inbox nightmare that no one can escape. It begins innocently, until someone hits “Reply All” when they absolutely shouldn’t have. The chain spirals into a terrifying maze where the initial, crucial point is killed off by dozens of irrelevant comments and people desperately asking to be taken off the chain.

So, whether your club is managing to stay in the black or your keeper is managing a clean sheet, the League Secretary-turned-Crypt Keeper wishes everyone a Fa-Boo-Lous Halloween! Now, if you’ll excuse him, he has a particularly chilling complaint about a pitch-side ghost to address.